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I started this post yesterday: .....signs of death?
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judyh
Posted 2019-09-02 2:41 PM (#232240 - in reply to #232222)
Subject: RE: I started this post yesterday: .....signs of death?


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Hi William, 

 Me have pretty words that try to comfort you...?  Never !

 Sometimes we need to get good and mad to see we have indeed "had enough" of something!

 I have been contemplating your post for a few days.  And I see that Pam has responded with lots of help.

 I hear your resentment...as if you have not gotten the return on your investment of 35 years of studying ACIM.  Not unlike someone who underwent a facelift and then, shit, they still don't look like they did 20 years ago!  Dammit.  As if you didn't get out of it what you have put into it.  But what if the act of what we study, what we focus on, is, as the course says, not for ourselves alone, but a gift?  

 One of the things that came to me, that often comes to me when people talk about not aging or not dying, is what Pam shared a long time ago that Michelle O"Donell had answered her with.  Michelle said, instead ask the question "Why do you want to stay?"  This for me really turned the idea on it's head, it was revolutionary for me when I heard it the first time.  It still is.  Does it matter to me that Michelle O"Donell passed away?  Not to me.  Because life, being alive, not dying, does not feel like something we "accomplish".

 I'm not saying any of this to talk you out of anything.  Just to connect.  Just to offer to you and to anyone who reads this, an echo of what Pam shared too.  WHY do you want to live?  Why do you want to be radiantly healthy and alive?  I am noticing lately that anything I think I am doing for myself alone DOES NOT WORK.  We are already connected, reality is shared, and what I do with my attention is the gift I am giving, every single second of every single day.  Am I allowing this instant to be a holy instant?  Not as a thing to get perfect or for me to be perfect, but to join with the nourishment that it brings, and not just for me.  Is it felt in the whole of the sonship?

 Oh I know, no one wants THAT.  It's too boring.  That is not exciting enough.  Not enough evidence.  That stinks...to be THAT conscious.  But what if all our study was for others who we never meet?  And we may never know how our awareness gifted, gifts them?  What if through our devotion, our turning to our devotion, moment by moment when we can be aware, we've blessed BEing itself, the being we all are at this very moment ? That would seem like a thankless job.  Especially when we aren't seeing evidence.  When we have to have an unreasonable faith.  

But maybe it has been what Being has invited, invites, us to.   What if we are doing it for others?  Others who come later?  Well, we probably wouldn't have signed on for THAT, now would we??  What if we are contributing to the HEALTH, the vibrant health of the whole, with everything we do, everything you are BEing now?  Not because it makes me special, but because it feels vital, to feel you are with the rose bushes in the yard and the birds in the air and grateful for the wind.  And maybe someone who is lonely and afraid somewhere feels comforted with that...?  Like I have been when they...when you... did...do that for me.  When Being itself wraps it's arms around me in the night and says you aren't alone.   Thank you for your years of study!  

 Oops, it got too pretty and comforting ...I better go!  



Edited by judyh 2019-09-02 2:44 PM
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