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Random quote: Awareness of dreaming is the real function of God's teachers. ~~ MFT
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Father, i'm so done suffering
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   General Discussion -> The Gathering Place (TGP)Message format
Posted 2019-08-03 8:48 PM (#232068)
Subject: Father, i'm so done suffering


Will you please help.


I talked with my neighbor a few minutes today.  They have a vacation camper on the lot next to mine and they come some weekends during the summer.  We don't visit a lot though we like each other just fine.

Today we chatted just for a few minutes while we each stood next to the fence that separates our lots.  I don't know what brought it on but as I looked at her during a pause between our sharing,  she looked different and I found myself feeling drawn with great curiosity and it feels like that must have been a holy instant.  I had no room for anything in my attention except to look at her transformation happening right before my eyes.  I looked with great attention  as I watched her transform into.... oh... maybe something angelic.  Not all the way, or maybe it was all the way.... but I mean there was no transparency, no wings or halo....  but her rather angular face became oval and gentle, and her usually piercing eyes became open and soft and the color of her skin which is rather tan became white and had a tenderness in it  and then she began to smile something very wonderful and as I stared she smiled a little more.  And then I shifted so as to get back to familiar ground and we said goodbye. 

Next I had some trauma with cat life here and an 'object' of my affection.  After that when I got online I saw that there was more trauma in El Paso.  And that was as much as I could take.  I felt, and still feel, my whole being crying out to wake up.  Wake up out this nightmare of mortality.  Where is the Kingdom of heaven now?

I feel my thoughts were guided to remember the last words I read on that bit that Orinda provided a link for regarding the book Fran mentions: "I had learned to still my mind, relax my body and open my heart."  In doing that I remembered Raj and all the talk of waking up, something I wanted/want to know more about. 

So it dawned on me, Father, that maybe waking up takes one out of the frame of reference of mortality.  Maybe that is obvious but I never realized it like this before.  And it looks like if this realization is true it is coming out of a great need for peace, Truth, freedom from suffering and not from an intellectual curiosity.  

I thought/felt that if awakening is being lifted out of the belief in the human condition as being valid and a real thing, and seeing instead with accuracy the Truth of Father's creation, maybe close to what I experienced with the neighbor,  then all the suffering that we endured in our ignorance would be truly undone.

And in an instance hope was rekindled when I felt I knew that this is what Raj has been trying to make available to us now.  That in awakening we can be released from our limited perspective now.  And 'doing' this now would enable us to love the world in a way that truly heals and transforms because we would no longer be feeling vulnerable in the human condition. 

I am grateful for being able to come here and express my need for help. I feel comforted. And it is with deeper understanding that I want to thank Raj for what he makes clear is available to us.


Edited by roxana 2019-08-03 9:26 PM
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